


Are There Still Beautiful Things?

by youlostpleiad



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Sokka is good bro, in other news the last 1k or so of this made me cry while writing it because I would die for Mai, mostly because zuko is a dum dum and he thinks he doesn't deserve love but he does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26296705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youlostpleiad/pseuds/youlostpleiad
Summary: Sokka makes a show of rolling his eyes before he says, “Mai? Tell me what happened there, I’m sensing a lot.” Zuko just stares at him. He’s definitely not used to this kind of interaction. He’s not much of a sharing person.“It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. Okay, I share some heartache and you share some heartache?”aka Zuko questioning his worth and people loving him regardless
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	Are There Still Beautiful Things?

**Author's Note:**

> So I was sat in bed at 3am and had this very vivid vision of Zuko and Sokka talking about their girlfriends so logically I thought "zukka fic hell yeah" and then I started writing it and realised that I was in fact, not writing zukka fic, because honestly how tf did I expect to write that if I was literally writing about how much Sokka loves Suki and how Zuko is heartbroken because Mai just got arrested for him? The answer to this is, of course, that I just wanted to unpack some of Zuko's trauma and his relationship with the concept of worthiness, so here's some Maiko fic instead.  
> Also, no, I will not stop using folklore lyrics as fic titles, these are my fics, and I do what I want ❤🔪

He feels, quite frankly, like a whole building has collapsed on him. He should be fine. He’s certainly had tougher days than trying to escape The Boiling Rock. But he keeps thinking about her. Zuko was so sure Mai would hate him, he would, were he in her place. But she’d shown up. She had cared enough to show up and yell at him and betray Azula. For him. The truth was simply that Zuko did not care for himself enough to understand why anyone would risk Azula’s wrath to help him. 

But that’s exactly what Mai had done. As much as he tries he can’t stop imagining the worse. He knows his sister and he knows her temper. He couldn’t stay long enough to watch what happened to Mai, he might have done something stupid if he’d had the time. He might have gone back for her and gotten himself hurt in the process. Maybe worse. Morosely, he begs with all his might to no one in particular, that for once in her life, Azula has tapped into whatever humanity she has left inside her and put Mai in a cell instead of something far worse.

“I know the moon’s a pretty lady but as much as you stare at the sky she’s not going to magically show up. We’re in a partly underground temple and she’s on the side that’s covered with rock,” Sokka says taking a seat next to him. Zuko wasn’t expecting company this late. “You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?”

“About who?”

Sokka makes a show of rolling his eyes before he says, “Mai? Tell me what happened there, I’m sensing a lot.” Zuko just stares at him. He’s definitely not used to this kind of interaction. He’s not much of a sharing person. 

“It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. Okay, I share some heartache and you share some heartache?” Zuko has never been more confused in his life. Sokka is staring right back at him, “I’m just going to tell you about Yue,” he looks away. Zuko thinks he can see a flash of sadness in Sokka’s eyes. When he speaks his voice is heavy like he’s been carrying the words but never got to say them, “I didn't know her long, but I loved her. I don't know where I found the time to love her but I did. Do you remember Zhao? The Siege of the North?” he asks, Zuko nods he had been there with Sokka up until Zhao’s escape. He didn’t quite recognize the man he was then, “She was the princess of the Northern Water Tribe. I just saw her and thought _ I would die for you _ , and the more I got to know her the more I knew that I would. And then Zhao showed up with his delusions of grandeur and he killed the Moon Spirit and Yue, she had part of the Spirit within her, so she gave it back to Tui. She died for me. For all of us. I held her until she was gone, she slipped right through my fingers, and there was nothing I could do about it." 

"Sokka, that's," he trails off. He can't find the words.

"Rough, buddy?” he looks at Zuko with a sad smile. It almost feels like he’s letting Zuko know he’s not mad about how callous Zuko had been about the situation before. “I still look up at night and think the stupidest things. Like is she cold? Up there all alone. Is she cold? Is she bored? Does she have anything to do other than watch us? And if not when we're gone, is she going to spend eternity looking for the people she loved and failing to find them?" 

"I'm-, I don't know but she's the moon spirit, right? She's probably in the spirit world, and she probably has friends there."

Sokka smiles softly, "Yeah, I hope so." 

"So is that why you're so," Zuko gestures with his hand. Something abstract and nonsensical. He doesn't know many kinds of affection, as sad as that sounds, but he knows it's affection what Sokka feels, it's love, "with Suki? Because you’ve already lost someone?" 

Sokka mulls it over, "Yes, but no. Losing Yue, made me appreciate all the time I have with the people I love because I know that it can all be gone in a second. I knew already,” he says and Zuko can’t help the hot flash of guilt that he feels that the mention of Kya’s death, “but it was a reminder. So I guess in a way it does make me appreciate having Suki with me more. But, Suki, well she's amazing. You know that. You've seen the things she can do," he notices that this time the smile on Sokka's face is big and bright, "she's funny and fierce and there's so much inside of her. There's pain but there's happiness too. She's," he stops, looking around like he's trying to find something, "whole. And when I'm with her I feel as whole as I've ever been. And love her for her, not because I lost someone else." 

Zuko smiles at his friend, he's earned the word he thinks, but he absently thinks that he hasn't felt whole in a very long time. That maybe he never has been.

“I’m glad we found her,” Zuko says.

“Yeah me too,” Sokka says, there's something wistful in his voice. "But enough about me and riveting love life. Tell me about the girl with the knives," he raises his eyebrows at Zuko a few, very quick times, and continues, "All I know of her is that she's tried to kill us a few times and I'd say that doesn't bode in her favour, but I don't want to make you think we don't like you and hurt your feelings." 

Zuko brings a hand to his chest and says, "Ow, you wound me," he's trying to be more playful. He's not sure how it's working for him. But he does smile honestly. He thinks of being a child and falling into a fountain and holding Mai's hand for the first time. He thinks of sunny afternoons spent pretending he was annoyed that his mother was making him play with Azula, Mai and Ty Lee. He thinks of how he was thankful for the sun then more than ever, Mai had loved the sun then, and he had loved the way she smiled so freely under it. He thinks of being twelve and sitting under the shade of a tree for a few minutes, and how Mai had found him and sat with him in the shadow. She'd taken his hand and kissed his cheek, and Zuko had giggled. How long had it been since he'd felt giddy? 

"She knew me before," he says, his voice heavy with an emotion he's not ready to name. "And I guess after everything that happened I didn't think she could care for me, the way she had before," he's not looking at Sokka, he doesn't think he can be honest about his feelings, about something he fought so hard to ignore for so long, if he has to look at someone, "I didn't really think of her for the past 3 years if I'm honest. I didn't think I was good enough for her, without-," he can't quite say it.

"Without your honour?" Sokka finishes for him with an exaggerated flourish.

He rolls his eyes and says, "Yes, Sokka, without my honour," he really hates Sokka (except he really, really doesn't. Who knew Zuko could make friends?) 

"So what was it like seeing her again?" 

He thinks of sitting by the turtleduck pond hoping the grass was hiding the way he'd laced his fingers with Mai's, he didn't want to let go. He was almost thirteen, Azula had left with Ty Lee to look for something and Mai had called him in a shy voice he hadn't heard from her before and when he turned to face her she had held his cheek and pulled him towards her. It was nothing but a press of lips, but Zuko thinks it might have been the happiest moment of his life. He'd felt like someone loved him again.

"Like coming home," he tells Sokka. Because it's true. He tries not to think about all the times he kissed her when he went back to the palace. About all the lingering touches, and her soft secret smiles that she saved for him. About holding her in Ember Island as they watched the sunset one last time. About leaving behind nothing but a letter.

"She betrayed Azula for you today. When this is all over she'll come back to you," Sokka says. Like it's fact. 

Zuko stays silent. Truthfully, he's not sure he deserves her anymore. He's not sure he ever did.

"Hey, what did you mean she knew you before?" Sokka says confused, "Do you mean the scar because having a scar doesn't make you less lovable, Zuko."

And it hits Zuko that he never bothered telling them about his banishment. If he's being honest with himself, being the prince of the Fire Nation, he expected everyone to know who he was because of his scar. But being away from the palace, he had found that the knowledge of his banishment hadn't spread far and wide like he would have guessed. Ozai must have known that challenging his own son to an Agni Kai, and actually burning him, would have changed the way the people of the Fire Nation thought of him. He would no longer be the man fighting to help the world by sharing his culture, instead, he'd be the man who burned his son.

He takes a deep breath and says, "I was banished. Three years ago," he realises he's never had to tell the story out loud, "I begged my uncle to let me attend a war meeting, and when a general proposed we use new recruits as bait, I spoke against it, out of turn, I was meant to have been quiet. It was my father's war room so he ordered me to fight an Agni Kai, a duel between firebenders where you fight for your honour, it ends when one opponent burns the other. I thought I would fight the general, so I accepted. But it was my father. And when I refused to fight him, he burned me. He exiled me and told me the only way to restore my honour was to capture the avatar, which is why I did all I did. I thought he was right."

He's still not looking at Sokka, so it throws him off when he feels arms around him, "That's horrible, and I am so sorry, you didn't do anything wrong," he tightens his arms around Zuko, it makes him think he hasn't been hugged in a while, "My dad will take you in if you want."

"Sokka."

"Or Bato. He's my dad's best friend and Bato doesn't have kids you'd be like my cousin! I don't have any of those." 

He actually sounds excited, "Sokka, it's fine. I know it wasn't my fault now. And if he forgives me, I have my uncle Iroh." 

"Okay but the offer stands." 

"I'll keep that in mind," he says, and he can't help but feel his lips twitch into a small smile, "you can stop hugging me now." 

"Just a little longer? I shared a lot tonight this is for me too." 

Reluctantly, Zuko wraps one arm around Sokka and pats his back a few times, he doesn’t hate the hug as much as he thinks he should, "That's enough now." 

"You know, in another life, I might have expected firebenders to be warm people," Sokka says as he lets go. He may have bitten off more than he can chew this friendship.

\--

He’s getting ready for his coronation when someone enters his room and he finds Mai there, right in front of him. He was going to send out an order for a mass release of prisoners, too many of them had done nothing wrong, but he knew the process would be long and he hadn’t even known if Mai really was at the Boiling Rock. He hadn’t asked either, he couldn’t bear the thought of someone telling him the worst. But she shows up and tells him it doesn’t hurt being the warden’s niece, and the Fire Lord’s  _ girlfriend _ when you’re trying to be released from prison and Zuko’s heart is soaring in his chest. She doesn’t hate him. He’d given her every reason to, and she kept on wanting him. She helps him finish getting dressed when she sees his bandages. Ties his hair for him. 

He heads out for his coronation and means every word of his speech, he thinks honesty and purpose may well be his best friends as a leader. When it’s all done he asks Aang and Sokka to keep the people he’s supposed to dine with entertained. He had planned to go speak with his father, but Mai is more important.

He finds her and takes her to the Palace’s garden. They're sitting by the turtleduck pond. The sun is setting and the light is catching in Mai's hair and he can't stop staring at her. He has a room full of people who are meant to be dining with the new Fire Lord tonight and he couldn't care less about what they expect of him. He feels like a kid again. Like all the responsibilities he has now have been cut down to something twelve-year-old Zuko thought was only barely more manageable than this. He feels like someone has reached out and given him a map to the greatest treasure there is to find, and he's scared he won't be able to find it. Mai reaches for a little turtleduck by her legs and holds it. And he can't look away from the soft look in her face as she pets it. 

She stares intently at it and speaks with the steadiest but smallest voice Zuko has ever heard from Mai, he's not used to it, Mai has always been sure of herself, "Zuko, I need you to promise me something." 

She's not looking at him. She's trying very hard not to look at him and he's frankly scared of what she might have to tell him. He rests his hand lightly on her forearm and Mai puts down the turtleduck so she can rest a hand over his, this time he doesn't have to hope the grass is hiding it. She stares at where their hands meet and says, "I'm not good at this. I never have been, you know that. But I've given you my heart before, despite how hard that is for me, and each time you broke it. I know you didn't mean to. I know both times you thought I'd hate you, and be better off without you. But you were wrong. Banished or a traitor, I won’t ever care. And I'm giving it to you again. My heart, because I love you, that much I know. And I need you to promise me that if you ever feel like that again that you won't choose for me. If you're going to do something stupid, tell me and if you think you're not enough. Tell me, because I love you but I can't have you break my heart again." 

He feels like he might shatter. Like he knows now that he never deserved Mai if this is what he's done to her. But he knows this too: he loves her. Maybe it's not up to him to decide what he deserves. Mai came to the palace because she wanted to, and Zuko hasn't felt wanted many times in his life. He knows one more thing: he will never find someone who knows the core of him like Mai does, and he will never know all the shades of someone's soul the way he's memorized Mai's. He cannot afford to break her heart, and in truth, he'd be breaking his alongside hers. 

He reaches up to cup her cheek with his free hand and has to brush away a tear with his thumb. He’d scarcely seen her cry. He waits for her to look at him and says, "I can't promise I'll never do anything stupid or that will hurt you because I don't even think I am good enough for your love. But I can promise you my honesty and that I won't ever leave you like I have before. I've been so caught up in trying to fix my mistakes, and regain my honour for the past years, that I forgot that I could hurt people too for a while. But I won't forget again, Mai, you mean too much to me," she rests her forehead against his. He's so tired, he thinks she must be too. He wants to fight everyone who's made her this way, who has hurt her and made her think she has to ask for her heart not to be broken, but Zuko has never won a fight against himself.

"I love you," he tells her. He needs her to know. She bumps their noses together and kisses him. Nearly four years later and she's still the one to kiss him first. They're sitting in the same place under the same sun and everything is the same but they're so different. They have the weight of a war on their shoulders now, the weight of heartbreak, and of all the knowledge Zuko thinks people their age shouldn't have. But he's back by the turtleduck pond, under a setting sun with someone he loves, with someone who loves him, he has friends, and a family, and he's no longer grasping for the love of someone who can't love anything but power. He has a long path ahead of him but at least this time he's on the right path. 

Mai pulls away and there's a smile tugging at her lips, the sun is setting and everything is bathed in gold, "You're beautiful," he tells her, because she is, and he never thought someone like him could be worthy of a love like Mai's. 

"We should head inside," she says, "There are people waiting for you, Fire Lord." 

"Let them wait," he wraps an arm around her and pulls her close, "we have a sunset to finish watching," Mai rests her head on his shoulder and Zuko thinks this is the most at peace he has ever been. "Besides the sooner we go inside, the sooner Sokka is going to pester you and ask you questions and you don't want that. He's probably going to ask you to teach him how to throw knives. Saying no is encouraged," Mai laughs, and for once Zuko thinks the world is a beautiful place.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @firelordsboyfriend on tumblr and you're welcome to send me a prompt if you want, and if I like it and it inspires me (because writing when you don't vibe with what you're writing sucks) I may write something for it!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, thank you so much for reading 💕💕💕


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